Happens often here…

So this happened.

I was challenged to write for 2 minutes straight without stopping or thinking. This is what I wrote.

What constitutes needed backgrounds and dysfunctional disfiguration on what we develop as a whole? Can we push away from the usual creation and dump to factory process; we sure need a way to discover ourselves as a brand and push forward a unique way to manufacture that would provide absolute quality and not a shot in the dark hope for the best brick and mortars. Do we dispel the usual norms in thinking that they are too primitive or that we are far superior? Of course not, its the roots where you learn mistakes and take flight to grow, you’ll learn the best from your mistakes, it’s the quintessential thing of life that perpetuates evolutions. If we constantly made the wrong decisions over and over again we would be the American govern… ii mean ill evolved and scared of change simply because it wasn’t natural. All humans are afraid of the dark and change is the biggest abyss you can peer into. Just take in pride knowing that if you stumbled upon this blog you too are the person helping to forward evolution because you read something new. Instead of burying your head in that sandy bible thinking, it will all be okay someday by the slave driver with an ego who needs money.

ADD, I think so, but at least what i write is fluid?

I did another one off on MTV, love when I get these gigs.

there is so much awesome here…….

(via mememolly)

To my neighbor with the humongous Bull Mastiff, I am sorry for what you may have encountered this morning…

But this has been a long time coming. I do not own a dog. You own a Bull Mastiff. She is sweet like honey, and is one of the friendliest dogs I have ever met. However, she also takes dumps that are akin to what I saw the White Rhino at the Seneca Park Zoo drop out of its ass last Thursday.

Holy Shit. Seriously.

So, today, I was out with the plastic Wegmans bag cleaning up the turd land mines that endanger my children’s Crocs and bare feet when they are playing in the yard, and your dog stopped by for a visit.

I called her over and gave her a scratch on the back of the neck and she sat down and accepted my attention as she typically does. I had an entire plastic bag filled with her monster dumps, and then an idea hit me. An idea so diabolical in its ingenuity that I actually looked around and rubbed my hands together in the old movie villain style….

I reached down and took the bag of shit and ran one of the handle-tie thingys under her collar, next to the rabies vaccine tag. Then, took the other handle tie, and looped it around tying a nice granny knot around the collar. Then another. And another. Actually, the first two may have made an accidental square knot, but the plastic made it tough to see if it worked or not.

Your dog ambled back towards your house with a bag full of shit tied under its collar like a St. Bernard rescue dog in the Swiss Alps. Except for the fact that instead of a small keg of strong ale, it was a big bag of Mastiff Shit.

Hopefully this sent a small, yet pungent message, that your dog dumping in my yard is kind of getting old. I can only hope that when she came bounding in the house, she laid down on the couch, and started biting and clawing at the bag to get it off her collar, and perhaps you were greeted with the same mess that I get to clean up daily.

Regards. 

stealeyerface -reddit.

Wicked.. love it all.

Ha. Awesome.

No pun intended….dur.

When my friends pick up girls at a bar at 2am..

why dont most GIF’s work…

When hong kong women speak to me…

Everytime an ugly chick comes up to me at the bar…